As women of impact and influence, we often find ourselves navigating complex roles and responsibilities. We carry the weight of expectations, not just from others, but from ourselves as well. In the pursuit of making a difference, we may fall into the trap of believing that we must save everyone, be everything, and do everything. But here's the truth: Leaders Are Not Saviors.
I shared a post about this on Facebook and Instagram a while back, and I felt compelled to dive deeper into the topic here on the blog, just in case you missed it or aren’t connected on social media. Listen, it took me a long time to come to terms with this. We, as leaders, are called to be guides, visionaries, and catalysts for change, but we are not responsible for solving every problem or healing every wound in our path. Leadership is not about being a savior; it’s about empowering others to find their own strength and guiding them on their journey. This realization hit home for me during a conversation with my therapist after my dad had a massive stroke in 2021. She pointed out that people who build their identity or self-worth around being needed often share a common background—they might be the middle child, have had a parent struggling with addiction, or have experienced significant trauma during childhood. While this may not be true for everyone, it resonated deeply with me.
You see, I am technically a middle child who had a parent with an addiction. When I first heard this insight, it shook me to my core. I couldn’t help but wonder if everything I had built—my life, my career path, ministry, my very identity—was based on a need to be needed. Was my self-esteem rooted in a desire to save others because I couldn't save someone so close to me during my childhood and adult years? Heck, I can't even save myself!
This revelation, in addition to other life circumstances, led me to drop everything I was doing at the time and take a step back for some serious self-reflection and introspection. I had to ask myself some hard questions: "Is everything I've built based on a lie? Have I unconsciously constructed my identity around being indispensable to others? Who am I?" These were not easy questions to face, but they were necessary. It was a pivotal moment in my journey—a moment where I had to confront the truth about myself and my motivations.
I realized that to lead authentically and effectively, I needed to let go of the need to be a savior in my home, as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a minister, and more. I needed to embrace my role as a guide and a visionary, allowing others the space to grow, learn, and thrive on their own. This experience has taught me the importance of healthy boundaries, self-awareness, and the courage to step back when needed. It’s a reminder that as leaders, our strength doesn’t come from fixing everything for everyone; it comes from empowering others to find their own solutions and from nurturing our own wholeness along the way.
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling the pressure to be everything to everyone, I encourage you to take a step back and reflect on where that pressure is coming from. Is it rooted in your own past, in a need to be needed? Or is it driven by a genuine desire to guide and inspire others?
Remember this, your value as a leader is not in how much you can do for others, but in how you can inspire them to do for themselves. Take the time to nurture your own growth and wholeness, so you can lead from a place of strength, authenticity, and true purpose.
Shall we talk about what leaders are and what they are not? Let's do it!
What Leaders Are—and What They Are Not
Leaders are not invincible. You may look like a superwoman but you are far from being her! We are human, with our own limitations, needs, and vulnerabilities. We are not meant to sacrifice our well-being for the sake of others. A leader's strength does not lie in their ability to carry the burdens of the world on their shoulders, but in their wisdom to know when to set those burdens down.
Leaders are role models of resilience and self-awareness. We are nurturers of growth, but we also know that our energy is limited. We understand that our ability to lead effectively is directly tied to our own well-being. When we take care of ourselves, we set an example for others to do the same. Leaders are protectors of our peace, ensuring that we can continue to show up as our best selves for those we lead. Even as a mother it is important to practice being intentional about creating time and space for self-care and developing healthy boundaries for yourself.
Leaders lead from a place of wholeness, not depletion!
The Importance of Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are essential in this journey. Without them, we risk burnout, resentment, and losing ourselves in the process of trying to serve others. Ask me how I know.
Boundaries are not about being selfish; they are about self-respect and preservation. They allow us to maintain our energy, focus on what truly matters, and ensure that we can lead those within our spheres of influence. Setting and honoring boundaries is extremely important in your journey toward wholeness and empowerment. By establishing healthy boundaries, you prioritize self-care, protect your well-being, and cultivate a sense of agency and empowerment. When you honor your boundaries, you reclaim your power, nurture your authenticity, and create space for personal growth and fulfillment. If you struggle with knowing how to start implementing boundaries, no worries! I got you!
Practical Tips for Setting and Honoring Boundaries
Identify Your Boundaries: Reflect on your values, needs, and limits. What are the non-negotiables in your life? Where do you feel drained, overwhelmed, or taken advantage of? These are often indicators of where boundaries need to be established.
Communicate Clearly and Compassionately: Once you’ve identified your boundaries, communicate them clearly and assertively to others. Be honest about what you need and why. Remember, setting boundaries is not about creating distance, but about fostering healthier relationships.
Enforce Your Boundaries: It’s one thing to set boundaries, but it’s another to enforce them. Stand firm in your decisions, even when it’s uncomfortable. Know that by enforcing your boundaries, you’re honoring yourself and setting a standard for how you deserve to be treated.
Reclaim Your Power Through Boundaries
By setting and honoring your boundaries, you create a safe space for yourself to thrive. You give yourself permission to prioritize your well-being, to say no when necessary, and to focus on what truly aligns with your values and goals. This is how you reclaim your power—by taking control of your energy, time, and focus.
As you continue on your journey toward wholeness, remember that your leadership is not defined by how much you can do for others, but by how well you can lead yourself. By nurturing your authenticity and honoring your boundaries, you not only empower yourself but also inspire others to do the same.
In the words of Brené Brown, "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others." Let this be a reminder that your well-being is worth protecting and that by embracing healthy boundaries, you are not only caring for yourself but also strengthening your ability to lead with impact and influence.
So, take a moment today to reflect on your boundaries. Where do you need to create more space for yourself? How can you better honor your needs and protect your peace? By doing so, you'll be one step closer to becoming the whole, empowered leader you are meant to be.
Thought-provoking Question: How will you begin to honor your boundaries moving forward and what impact do you believe it will have on your leadership and overall well-being? Share your thoughts in the comments below—let’s support one another on this journey toward wholeness and empowerment.
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